Today was the first really hard day. The first day that I cried. The first day I realized that I chose the hard way, not the easy way.
It feels like whining. I know millions of people would kill to do this, to chase their dreams, to really live. But it’s far harder than it looks. And looking back into the relative safety of the old days where I hadn’t risked anything, where I was fat and happy and complacent (metaphorically, of course), that enclave looks like the smarter option.
In a ‘normal’ or ‘corporate’ setting, there’s no need to constantly prop yourself up. There’s very little that will wreck the world as you know it. There are people around if you’re having a bad day. Believing in yourself every second isn’t a requisite. Resources are always at your fingertips. There’s someone to ask if you have a question.
This isn’t impossible, it’s just hard. And it will be worth it. It already has been. I just have to get past days like this. I just put on my big black russian hat. That should help.